01 April 2006

I give up. There's no sense in trying to hold this back any longer. The time has come for me to make available to the world something which I have been harbouring for a long time. I wish that Paul Martin had been re-elected. Say what you will about him and his shortcomings, no Prime Minister of Canada has ever conducted perfect policy. I forgive him for taking the earnest advice of the Quebec Young Liberals and opting Canada out of formal participation in the American imperialistic ballistic missile defence plan. I realize now that George W. Bush's Star Wars scheme is unworkable, that the system can never work and will allow the United States to conduct a nuclear first strike without fear of reprisal. I'm glad that Paul Martin changed his mind on Iraq and realized that Canada has no business supporting imperialist conquests for oil; the Bush-to-Baghdad pipeline is being constructed by Halliburton as we speak and Canada should be proud that it told the United States its clear and unambiguous position on regime change as a demonstration of its independence and enlightened position on how to solve the world's problems. Let me be very, very clear, Canada is a leader in the world, taking all necessary measures to implement the Kyoto Protocol. We believe in the environment, and Paul Martin's plan to fix the environment was well on its way to being formulated and then implemented.
Paul, please come back. Canada needs you to rescue us from the hidden neoconservative agenda of what is in reality the Canadian Alliance masquerading as a Conservative Party. The party of Macdonald is no more, and only Paul Martin can stop this right-wing party that is clearly moving Canada in a direction it should not be taking. Stephen Harper is well on his way to becoming Bush's new best friend, just like your ad campaign said he would. Let me tell you something, Mr. Harper, my Canada is a country that speaks with one voice, not two, not ten, but one voice that is clear and consistent in telling the United States what Canada's interests are. We were not founded upon American conservative values; never mind that many Americans loyal to the British Crown came to this country to live in peace and tranquility and enjoy their individual rights as conferred by the monarchy. Mr. Harper, your fundamentalist agenda, which you hint at every time you say "God Bless Canada," is not the type of country we want. We need a Liberal government in power to project Canadian Values and be a beacon to the world. Only Paul Martin can do this. Please re-think your position, Paul, and lead us again.

4 comments:

Forward Looking Canadian said...

Great April Fools! HILARIOUS.. you had me going for the first few lines.... good stuff hah

RGM said...

Yeah I'm pretty funny when my brain is fried. And it's just not April Fool's without some good political jokes. Mine isn't as good as the one that Bourque has (land exchange between Canada and the US), but it'll do for some kicks.

Tarkwell Robotico said...

I just read this today (Apr 5) and was thinking: who brainwashed Richard?

but, I figured it out when I looked at the date. HA! Ha!

RGM said...

Heh yeah I managed to fool a few people. Most clued in once they saw me taking shots at the Bush Administration.